Your friend or sister asked you to be their Maid or Matron of Honor? First of all, congratulations! Second, I’m sure you’re feeling a little pressure, especially when it comes to the Bachelorette Party. The Bachelorette Party industry (that’s what I’m calling it) has blown up and adds a lot of pressure to your role. You feel like you have to create a weekend that will produce lifelong memories for the bride. I get it, I’ve been there multiple times, but rest assured I’m here to say that you do NOT have to plan an extravagant trip, spend thousands of dollars, or feel like this is the be all end all trip/party. Remember, the wedding day is most important!
After planning 4 bachelorette parties for 4 very different brides, here are the topics I recommend to help you get started on your planning:
1. Get real with your bride
Talk to your bride! This is either your sister, cousin, or one of your best friends, so I hope you feel comfortable being pretty straight forward with her. Chat with her about her ideas and her vision for her bachelorette party. Again, each bride is different, and depending on how much the industry has influenced them, they may come at you with unrealistically elaborate ideas and you sit there thinking “how the heck am I going to pull this off?” Again, I’ve been there! If you’re feeling like she is asking too much, here are some questions to help steer her in the right direction:
- What kind of theme/vibe are you looking for? What is your goal of this trip? Meaning, what is her objective? What does she want to come away from the weekend feeling? Quality time with friends, stay in specific city/state, partying /bar hopping, memorable activity? This will help you develop a clearer plan. For example, if she wants quality time with friends, she’s not going to get that if she invites a ton of girls. If she wants to stay in a specific city, cost could play a larger part, and so on.
- How much do you think your friends are willing to spend? All of my friends have been considerate and don’t want the other girls to pay a lot to be on the trip, considering they most likely have to pay a lot of money to go to the wedding. Therefore, get a sense of every girl’s high-level budget from your friend.
2. Money!
Your Personal Budget: Everyone’s favorite topic! Jk. But it is important. Since budget is always one of the main concerns, the first thing is that you know your personal budget. Like it or not, you will eat the cost of many things (i.e. decorations, special gift for the bride, etc).
Establishing the Group Budget: I have found that the best route when discussing money is to give all the girls a heads up on what they will be paying for the rental (hotel, AirBnb, etc.). This gives them the opportunity to speak up if they have any concerns.
Splitting Costs: If you are willing, buy the alcohol, groceries, and the meals when you go out throughout the weekend, and then tally everything up at the end of the weekend and divide evenly (Pro tip: Use Splitwise to help divvy the costs easily). Again, tell the girls ahead of time about the plan. Be prepared, there is ALWAYS at least one girl who has issues with money. I know, it sucks, and money is awkward to talk about, but stand firm.
Last Minute Cancellations: If someone drops out, and they’ve already committed to the costs and rental(s), they still need to cover their portion. It may seem harsh, but they committed. If you change the rule for them and don’t make them pay, someone has to cover it, and who will that be? That could irritate the rest of the girls if they pay more than expected, ruining the mood of the weekend. Or, if another drops out and you’ve already told the other girl she doesn’t need to pay, you’ll have to do the same for the next, which can get really expensive or ruin plans altogether. Ultimately, everyone is an adult, and it’s not your responsibility to cover costs and finance someone’s trip! Also, this is a case by case basis. I know situations differ, but in general it’s not your responsibility to cover other girls.
3. Timeframe
Decide how long you want the bachelorette party to be. You may be surprised that some brides are doing 4–7-day long bachelorette parties. That’s called a vacation. Do what you want, but I tend to opt for a weekend (Friday – Sunday). This makes it doable and more cost effective.
4. Location
This should be part of your brainstorming process with your bride. Location will depend on price and if your bride is willing to travel. Don’t put too much pressure to pick an exotic place, but somewhere that’s fun, relatively convenient to access, and close to the type of restaurants and activities the bride wants to go.
5. Guest Count
How many girls does your bride want to invite? Keep in mind, not everyone will say “yes,” so wait to book your rental until after you get final confirmations. I have found that the optimal bachelorette party size is ~6-10 (depending on what activities you have planned).
Overall, communicating and getting on the same page with the bride and the bachelorette party group is key to creating a successful party that is fun, realistic, and memorable for the bride! ENJOY IT!
If you need help with planning, check out our downloadable PDF on Etsy! It’s simple, effective, and helps you stay on track: Simple Bachelorette Party Planning Checklist
